Where do I begin tonight?
How about we start with an update. Since the last time I blogged several things have changed. First,I have changed my prayer to God slightly. Instead of acting similar to a five year old and demanding a job "NOW!" I've decided to invite God back to the conversation. I asked him to show me where to work, what to do next, how to be a better wife, woman, daughter, friend and christian all together. Since this is a public blog, (I believe God intends me to leave it as such) I will say this, my life has NEVER been totally easy. I simply mean I've had to fight from day one to succeed and I mean fight. I was born with a brain tumor that caused me to suffer epileptic seizures. They were embarrassing, public, and in many ways earth shattering for me in a way that cannot be adequately explained in one sentence or even an entire blog. Anyway, I also had problems with the bones in my legs being improperly placed and therefore causing me to walk incorrectly. I even tripped over my own feet. So, when coupled together I would sometimes have a seizure and then trip over my own feet and fall to the floor. Many years later, after both problems were corrected through surgery, God did something amazing. When I was in elementary school I had to take resource classes because my epilepsy caused short term memory loss and hence a learning disorder. After, my full recovery and literally doubling in size I enrolled in AP Classes in highschool, and graduated WHS with a 4.1 GPA. He literally transformed me from a girl who has seizures trips over her own feet into a intelligent young lady with a purpose for his kingdom. (I am still clumsy but that's just me not my crazy feet) Although there are tons more lets for the sake of tonight call this Miracle #1.
For those of you who know me well, you also know that since March of 2010 until now has been one of the most ,if not the most difficult time in my adult life. My husband and I fell into a dark time together. Some days both of us weren't sure what would happen between us or if we would survive it. For privacy sake I will merely say God drastically changed our lives and brought us through it with the support of our family and friends. Aden also was discharged from the Marines for an injury in his hip, and shoulder that leave him unable to stand for more than a few hours at a time. After leaving the military he was unable to find a job and eventually we ran out of money. I REMAINED in school, worked part time, and GOD provided. I graduated with a bachelors in Social work after trusting God when he told me to change my major and made it back to SC. Throughout the entire process our family was there to support us in many ways, and God used them to keep us going when things seemed hopeless. Miracle #2 for the blog tonight!
Through all of this I am honestly grateful to God for all he has done but I am oh SO exhausted. For the last 23 years I've climbed, gnawed, gritted, and dragged myself through the mud, dirt, and muck. GOD has been there with me giving me the strength and pointing the way the whole time! However, I know it may sound horrible but not to long ago I decided I'd had enough and I want to just rest. Don't make me move lord just drag me. Please work at this lord? Show me that Lord? However, tonight I began reading my new study bible, and reading Eat Pray Love. Both reading selections tonight were about really reflecting on yourself before moving forward to a new step! What do I want? What does God Want? Where do I fit into this? How can I be a better wife, friend, and christian? Basically a giant ? in big huge print.
Tonight, I know that God is before and After that ? mark. He is in the past, the present and future. He truly is everything. He is really talking to me, teaching me patience, and helping me continue pushing for the blessings he has next. He has a job for me, and will bless me with many of the desires of my heart. I am so thankful for my husband especially. Even though he sometimes drives me crazy I'm glad God brought him into my life and continues to bring us through all of this together. I am very thankful for my entire family. They are always there, no matter what. More specifically I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and replaced with a sense of understanding. Its ok for it to be difficult to have faith sometimes as long as I take it up each day to do it. Its ok to want to strangle your husband sometimes as long as you love him unconditionally and don't do it. Most of all its ok to just be Melody.
God knew me in the garden, and before I was born. He knew every inch of my heart, my life, and my soul. He loves me and will take care of me. Maybe this time of uncertainty isn't a punishment but a few weeks to really reflect and look forward to what HE IS doing not what Melody is doing. To sum up, Sunday was our grad service at church. My mom and dad picked pictures that represented different portions of my life. My birth, holding my brother, after my brain surgery, in a band uniform, at prom with Aden, Marrying Aden, Our family, and college graduation. God really is amazing and I am so glad I finally let him truly back in to the conversation with me. He speaks to ME, crazy zebra printed fingernails, attitude, wild thoughts and all. He loves me and today that is what I'm MOST thankful for.
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another- 1 John 4:9-11
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