Break my heart for what breaks yours......

  In the past weeks one of Casting Crowns songs called, Jesus Friend of Sinners has really spoken to me and sums up why I want to be a social worker. Countless times I've thought Lord I would love to hear this at church. Today my prayer was answered. This song should be our prayer as Christians. I want my heart to reflect his. I know that as I grow I see that putting others down out of frustration for a decision they make does not lead them to Christ nor does it accomplish anything. Loving people and reaching out is our calling! Thank you Lord for molding me into a new creature with a new heart. 

                                                             

                                       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY6VAy9y_iQ


                                                               Jesus, Friend Of Sinners

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah...

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

Why Square one?

                During the last year or so I've really struggled with how to keep my blog up to date. Most of the things I've experienced in the past months have been things I cannot share in my blog. However, last week GOD brought my blog back to my mind with a new title, Faith at Square One. I cannot take credit for this at all because it pretty much sums up my year in a nutshell. In the past year my husband and I have experienced financial, marital, and spiritual struggles that could only be solved by GOD. Now looking back I can see his mercy and grace all around me. However, God is teaching me how to have faith from the beginning when there is no possible way I can do it on my own. He apparently knows how hard headed I am and has been teaching me patience and faith in the hardest way. 


            It amazes me that there are times when I literally lose my mind with worry and I admit I'm frustrated very easily by uncertainty but GOD always comes through. I know this may all seem very vague now but I know that God has a plan for me and this blog. He brings it to my mind at certain times for a reason. I've attempted a triumphant return to blogging many times. I've even made attempts in the past but soon lose track of it in my crazy daily life. My prayer with my new blog is that you are blessed. 


^{James 1:12}  Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

A New Beginning

    This week was very interesting. I continue to learn new things in my job, my marriage, and ultimately about myself. I'm beginning to feel like normalcy is becoming a part of my life again. I am also starting to be relaxed instead of on edge every second of the day and I love it. I'm still diligently working to learn how to trust God and not worry at the exact same time. I seem to be unable to do this for more than a few days at a time.

    My gallbladder is better this week than last. However, I'm still having attacks every few days. I went to the specialist this week and he is sending me for a second test. This test will tell us how much my gallbladder is actually functioning and solidify if surgery is the best option. I'm glad because I'm so tired of having attacks every few days. 

   I also made an amazing discovery this week. I'm beginning to get into a routine and I love it. I'm a creature of habit. In my life, nothing seems to go as planned. So, needless to say a routine is wonderful. I work the same hours every week, I have activities I'm involved in and I have time designated to spend with my sweet hubby and awesome family. I love it! 

     I am so thankful that God is transitioning my husband and I into a peaceful part of our life together. The last year has been so difficult. I truly did not know if we would make it through at many points. I am truly thankful to be the child of such an amazing God. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for us next. For now, I will continue to thank him, and keep up the hard work of growing spiritually as the Lord sees fit. I am not perfect but Jesus is more than perfect! Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement! Please keep it up. God is working. 

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:4-7 NIV

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS: The Job!

So, after many months of prayer and almost nonstop applications I was hired as a therapist for a local agency. I am so excited that I can barely hold it in. God is truly amazing and I am so glad that he has worked this out for not only me but for my husband, and my family.There have been so many prayers going up for me and I am truly humbled by the support I've received. The job is a great entry level job in my field and it is closed on the weekends, and by 6pm on weekdays so I can spend time with my husband!  Not being able to see my husband and family was a major issue when I worked retail. I cannot wait to begin. I will even be working with children.

Right now I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I know that soon I will be able to pay our household bills, and I give all the praise to the Lord. Throughout the entire experience of being unemployed I've been learning patience and how to truly trust in God. I am thankful for each of these lessons and the lessons he continues to teach me. God is also working  in the life my husband and I. Each day things improve financially, relationship wise, and I see that nothing is impossible with God. Lord thank you for all your blessings. If you are reading this and do not know my amazing savior, please accept his free gift of salvation and accept a new life with him. He is always there even when times seem dark. I am so thankful that words cannot express. God is in control!

Luke 1:37
For Nothing is impossible with GOD!

Investing Incorrectly

This week I have refrained from blogging because of a strong struggle with a personal storm in my life not related to job searching.I've mentioned it in previous blogs but not in detail. Therefore I am going to continue with this motto here. My husband and I have had a rough week and instead of going to God at first I went to the world. I decided to run my mouth, spend money I really don't need to spend, sometimes just be lazy, and used every outlet I had to try and fix the problem. However, the whole time I was trying to avoid God and in some ways blame him for the situation. However, tonight my mom confronted me! Why is this happening, why are you going places all the time when you have no money? To be honest I was running, trying to escape our problems, trying to for one sec to pretend that they don't exist by going going going ? I am not one to throw away money and honestly I couldn't believe I was doing it in the situation we are in. However,I was. Dinner here,dinner there and an oh this is only 10 dollars. Granted, we only ended up spending about 60 dollars in all that we really didn't need to spend but with gas and all that turned into about a hundred. I cannot believe it. I am so thankful that God has provided us with enough this month to still have money for a date, and our bills through his blessing from our income from the VA.

Tonight, I made a change instead or running, being depressed, and feeling defeated I decided to be honest about how I was feeling and let my mom know. After a short phone conversation with her, I spent an hour playing card games with my hubby,and then we had a devotion time together. This was exactly what GOD wanted. I could already feel the peace creeping in as I read the devotion, and verses off the page. I could feel God in the room. The day started out disappointing and I definitely was not following God with my actions. I cannot believe I was wasting money but I also know it was the devil luring us into a bad situation. Every money situation we have ever been in has not been because we wasted money but because we just never had enough to begin with so this was definitely out of character for me. I am so thankful God has given me a new beginning tonight, and a new outlook. This week has been the hardest week I've experienced in a long time but I know that God is in control of my job search, my marriage, my situation, and everything in general. I am so thankful he woke me up before I spent the money we needed to pay bills. I definitely won't be doing this again!

Tonight, I am so thankful for my husband, my family, my puppies, my home, food, and I'm thankful that God is working. So, tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to share the love of Christ and I can't wait.

³³These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Six Flags, Noah, and Gods blessings!

Last Friday, I went to Six Flags as a chaperone for the youth. I had 4 amazing youth in my group throughout the day. We rode roller coasters, regular rides and even saw a show. It was a ton of fun to see how many different personalities are represented in the youth. Each one has a different gift and a different need. I love working with them. On Saturday I spent the day resting and recuperating from the whip lash, and exhaustion from the day before. Ashton joined me on the trip and was exhausted as well. I think we all were.

Sunday morning at church we discussed how to trust God with money,and trusting him to provide. I had no idea that God was preparing me for a rough week. So many things have gone wrong, tears have been shed, and frustration was back full force after over a week of peace. Last night, my devotion was about how Noah trusted ,obeyed, and built the ark. The world was going crazy and he stepped out in faith. God provided. Yesterday we received some unpleasant  financial news that made me feel extremely defeated. God is telling me he is still in control no matter what the circumstances.

This week has been difficult but God is still in control. I am blessed to have a home, a wonderful husband, a great family, food to eat, and so much more. I guess I needed a reminder.Thank you Lord for always having it under control. This post is all over the place today but I am so thankful to have a new day to praise the Lord.

 Thus Noah did; according to all that God commanded him.
Genesis 6:22

This is no time to Panic!

For the past couple of weeks I feel like God is asking me to wait. However, while I'm waiting he already has ministry opportunities, family time, and blessings for me each day. I really feel like God wants me to be active in Bellview, as an adult, now that I have returned to my home church.Therefore, I've joined the choir and started working with the youth group when I can. I am not sharing this to brag.I am literally so excited that God is using me I can barely stand it. It is great to be back at my home church.

God has already allowed me to help with an event called Mystery Monday and this week we are going to Six Flags with the youth for a day trip.I am really interested to see what God has in store for these great teens.

The job search continues but with a little progress. It is June and as I've said before new jobs are available everyday. I am searching vigorously for the job that God has planned for me. However, I've decided to enjoy every free minute God has given me. I  try to use each day as an opportunity  to do something with family, my husband, my church,  my friends, relax or to run necessary errands. Basically, I've decided that being unemployed does not mean I need to be a hermit or  punish myself. I have not done anything wrong to be unemployed. I feel like this is an important lesson for me because I am extremely hard on myself regarding my lack of employment. However, I am beginning to realize more and more than God definitely has a job for me but it will be revealed in his time.  For now, he has a job for me to do.He has also provided me with an amazing husband, family, friends, and church to be there for me in my time of need.

I am extremely thankful and I am truly blessed.I have a meal to eat each day, my bills are paid (Whether I like having help or not), my husband and have been married almost 4 years, I'm seizure free, I have a bachelors degree, and most importantly I have Jesus with me every step of this journey. I am so thankful ! That thought leads me to this. I pray that someone out there as you read this realizes that Jesus is always with you. Even when the world seems hopeless and life is upside down. Call on him, accept his salvation, let him know that you need him and begin a wonderful new journey with him. I am so glad I did! :)

Verses of the day:
1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

	1 Peter 4:11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Memorial Day Week Blessings

       This week has been a blessing. On Sunday at church we discussed investing in Others as part of the Sunday School lesson. The lesson was about how when Saul became Paul he took on a new life and the old one was left behind. However, many people doubted if he really changed and many were still terrified of him. This lesson has been in the back of my mind all week as I've continued my bible study and seeking God as to what he has planned for me next!
 On Monday, we had our memorial cook out and the whole family attended. I also invited Kelly over for the festivities. We swam, relaxed in the pool, ate hamburgers and home made ice cream. It was a great day. Throughout the rest of the week God has really been speaking to me about how he has plans to use me to help a great deal of people and I just need to be patient and wait on his time. He has also used my daily bible study to allow me an insight into what he has planned. He has also opened the opportunity for me to sing in the choir and work with the youth in the mean time. God also placed a man in my dad;s path who is assisting me with my job search. My dad had to go on a business trip this week and during a long layover God allowed him to meet a career service specialist from a local college. After, a short conversation he offered to help me with my job search. Aden, also received his eligibility letter from Veteran's affairs for his GI Bill benefits this week, and has another appointment to help with his medicines next week. The job sites are booming more than ever since the beginning of June and I am filled with Faith that things are looking up. God is amazing and I am very thankful for his plan for my life. I am also thankful for the my husband's support and the support of my family and friends during this time. God is in control! I just have to keep the faith one day at a time.

Hebrews 11:1
 ¹ Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

Jesus gives great gifts

The past few days I have really been in a state of reflection. I honestly didn't know what started it or what God's purpose for my sudden constant need to just think consistently without stopping (even when I sleep) was until yesterday. As everyone knows from previous blog entries I have experienced a great deal in my short 23 years on this planet. In the last few days God has been reminding me of all the blessings as I have in my life and have experienced. In fact, it feels like a giant hug from God and I must say it is a quite amazing feeling.

Two days ago, my mom and I were having one of our infamous and sometimes too frequent "things are going to improve" conversations when I began to feel, in a matter of speaking, strange. I didn't feel sick or depressed just different. It was very odd. One of my best friends, Michelle, and I were talking on facebook about the fact I still do not have a job and I am not able to relax because of it. I trust that God will find me one but I feel like I'm constantly experiencing feelings similar to a cat on a hot tin roof. After each of these conversations I prayed that God would give me a Peace and that I would be able to rest while I wait for his timing. Today I realize this is what has been happening.

Yesterday, Aden  and I invited, mama, daddy, Nick, and Ashton over for dinner. This was the first dinner my family has ever eaten at my house because we've lived in NC our entire FOUR (Can't believe how time flies) years of marriage. Therefore, my mother and I both counted it as a sweet experience. Ashton and I baked the cake, and cleaned the house. Aden cooked roast, potatoes, green bean casserole, and rolls. Mama made Sweet tea(yummy) and macaroni and cheese. My mama also brought Aden and I gifts from the Lord. God used Mrs. Martha Gillen. She gave me a lovely devotion that is about Getting to Know God each day. She also gave me a prayer journal that has huge pages. She does not have any idea what is truly going on with us right now but God prompted her to bring these gifts. She also bought Aden a 40 days with Jesus book, and a beautiful card. The gift basket was complete with a beautiful green dish towel(which I needed) a coffee mug, and a cd from the Tabernacle choir. All of these items relate to things I need, my relationship with God, or things I relate to peaceful moments.God again provided! The meal together was fantastic. We scheduled the meal for 5:15 and by 5:30 my family was seated at OUR dinner table eating and enjoying time together. My brother had to live about 15 minutes later to go to his summer job for 3rd shift but he was able to eat with us for a little while. While preparing for the meal, Ashton and I took a break for about 2 hours to go swimming. We giggled, laughed and  got our tan on. We then returned to play Dance central and to make sure everything was ready prior to this family feast. After the meal my mom, dad, cousin, Aden and I went into the living room for another adventure with Dance Central and giggled over a few funny youtube videos. It was an amazing night. Last night I did not sleep very well at all because of the weather and the fact that too much good "human food" made my puppies a little sickly. I definitely learned my lesson about that one.

However, after a long night and a few trips around the house in the middle of the night I woke up at 10 am and promptly began laundry. Aden and I spent the morning together enjoying each others company and discussing (not worrying) over what needed to be done. Then, at about 12pm I received a phone call from my best friend unexpectedly to let me know she would be stopping by later in the afternoon to bring me my Graduation present. My mom also called and offered to help me complete the office I've been working on for the last few days, and Ashton showed up shortly after to spend time with me as well. By 2pm the house was booming with laughter and my favorite girls were all there. Aden, was quietly playing a game and cracking jokes, as well as sneaking a few kisses while no one was looking :). At 3:30 my mom and cousin had completed the  rest of my office and sat down to visit with Victoria. My present was a scented candle from bath and body works that I gleefully describe as the smell of heaven in a can. At 4pm Victoria left to go get ready for her brothers graduation and mom left to wait for daddy to get home. Ashton left because she was needed at home and Aden and I had Jack in the box cheeseburgers for dinner. By this time I was very tired and laid down under the fan in our room for a short nap. After an hour of rest I went to visit my Aunt Pam and watched 2 movies with Pam and Ashton. On my way home I realized something I haven't worried in 2 days! THATS A BIG DEAL! 2 whole days of peace, pure distraction, and relaxation. I realized that God has truly allowed me peace even when I apply for a job each day.


In my life, Worrying has come naturally to me. It is very much like breathing. I do not like for things to be out of order in any case. This mentality has a lot to do with the fact that when I had epilepsy I never knew when a seizure would come and developed a sense of fear of things that I cannot control. God has been working with me on this for the last several years, especially the worrying part.Therefore Jesus has attached a verse about this to me as a means of encouragement. Jeremiah 29:11 has follows me around everywhere I go. When anonymous people send me verses they send this verse. We received picture frames with verses for highschool graduation from the church and mine was the only one with that particular verse and there are tons more instances. Its amazing how it tags along everywhere I go and always shows up at the most perfect moments. GOD really does give great gifts. I am so thankful for the Peace of the last few days, for my husband, my friends, my family, my house, my sweet puppies, and so much more. I have already started using my prayer journal and new devotion, as well as my new bible the church gave me for graduation. I can't wait to see what he has in store for me next.

My favorite Verse:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

 Jeremiah 29:11

You look like your father

This weekend was great. On Friday, I really worked on  getting the house put together. By Saturday afternoon,I had unpacked two full bins of clothes. I sorted them into a yard sale pile, a keep to wear pile, and folded each piece. By the end of the day our bedroom was completely organized. I also began working more on the office setup and unpacked about 4 boxes. On Saturday morning, while Aden was at paintball with my brother and Dad, I got up to do my normal weekly clean and continued working on the office as well.My cousin,Ashton, stopped by for a visit early in the morning and helped fold clothes prior to her dance recital. When the boys returned from paintball, they jumped in the pool. I joined for a little while but got out shortly after and continued to work on the house. By afternoon the house was completely clean, dishes, done and the office was almost set up. Saturday evening, Aden, Nick, Mama, Daddy and I all ate hamburgers on the grill by the pool. We spent the time catching up, laughing, and just hanging out. At about 6:30 my cousin texted me that she had two free tickets to the movie and wanted me to go see the Pirates movie with her for free. I jumped at the chance and we ended the day with a fun girls night out. My husband and brother also went to the movies to see Thor. Little did I know that through all of this God was speaking.

On Sunday morning, Aden and I went to Sunday School, and attended the special Memorial day service at Bellview Baptist Church (our church). In Sunday School we discussed how as Christians we are to be like Christ and to focus on his plans for our life. What does he want for us? The lesson was perfect for what Aden and I are going through at this time in our life. Then, the memorial day service was a celebration of all our military. My husband was recognized as one of our veterans in the church, and was given a bible study book for veterans. The speaker, Terry Simmons, is the new head of Veterans affairs for SC,effective July 1, 20ll. He discussed his experiences at the Battle of Hamburger Hill in Vietnam as well as his difficult journey before receiving  his VA benefits. He revealed that he was one of only 6 survivors of the event, and had to appear before a Judge to receive his benefits. Therefore, he is now determined to help Veterans who are going through the experience and are treated unfairly. He and his wife have been married 43 years and have been through the uncertainties, struggles, love, and have trusted God together. He also had a yellow notebook to sign if you are a Veteran experiencing the same thing. We signed in bold black print.

Then, it hit me. God placed this weekend in our path for a reason. He is speaking to us, providing for us, giving us time with family, and he has everything handled. At the Veterans luncheon, Aden and I sat with my parents, and my dad's coworker. His coworker was visiting our church this week.. The guy said something that struck me, "You look so much like your dad". Although, I've heard this my whole life (It's so true), I started thinking about that sentence in two ways. My dad here on earth is a strong Christian man, and my mother is an amazing Christian woman. I am blessed to have them both in my life. I am also very  happy to favor both of them. However, in a Christian sense how much do I look like my heavenly father? Am I reflecting what he wants? Do my actions reflect him in this time of uncertainty in my life?  I know I am not perfect but I hope God uses my experiences during all of this to reflect him and to reach someone for his kingdom. I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for us next. Some days keeping the faith is harder than others but for today I have peace.

1 John 2:15-17

¹⁵ Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father^[ is not in them. ¹⁶ For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. ¹⁷ The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Jesus buys lunch

Today,

Aden and I intended to visit the Financial Aid office, Bookstore, and Parking Office at Greenville Tech. However, that is not what God had planned. The moment we arrived at Greenville Tech I received a phone call regarding financial assistance we applied for during this dark time to help with money. I was told I would be able to get the necessary help today if we could get to Spartanburg before the afternoon. I was very excited because I had been praying about this for almost a week and the hubby and I began our trip to Spartanburg from Greenville. 

In Greenville, we discovered gas for 3.35 and would you believe with 25 dollars the car was almost 3/4ths of a tank full. I'm glad because God knew we were in for a long day! Still in Greenville we decided to stop and get McDonald's for lunch. (Unhealthy but oh so yummy...FRAPPE=AMAZING) Anyway, after ordering and pulling up to the drive thru to pay, the attendant announced something amazing. The people in front of us anonymously payed for our lunch. All $15. They had no idea who we were and I never even saw their faces but it was amazing. We both smiled and realized Jesus just used an anonymous person to provide for us yet again. We made it to Spartanburg in time to pick up what we needed and by this time it was gaining on 3 O'Clock.

At 3:00 Aden made a frustrating discovery. The car would not start again because the battery will not remain charged.  There has been speculation over what the actual problem with my car is and all  proposed solutions seemed expensive. The first time it broke down, I replaced the battery and the problem was temporarily fixed. Second, I replaced the alternator.  Third,I purchased a second new battery (bought at 3am on the side of the road on the way back to NC). Fourth, I prayed because I was alone at work and had no way to reach anybody and it came back on. This time, I had given up and figured we were in for an expensive fix. After a few minutes of griping I called AAA. They showed up within 30 minutes and revealed the problem is corroded battery cables, jumped our battery and we were on the way home. God yet again came through because cables are the cheapest fix of all the things other technicians suggested. 

At home, my dad replaced the cables and the car is doing fine.  Mimi, grandaddy, daddy, mama, Aden, and I all went out to a nice dinner at Demeter's and enjoyed some family time thanking God for all the cool things he has done and is going to do. Although today was crazy, God has yet again come through to help us in our time of need.

Tomorrow morning we are taking a second trip to Greenville tech and I couldn't be more thankful. God has allowed Aden to go to college, continues to take care of us, and I doubt him. Doesn't make sense does it? I can't wait to see the answer to all the prayers going up for my Social Work job. He definitely reminded me today that prayers are answered in his time. God is amazing! 

 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 

1 Corinthians 10:31

(I believe I may have used this verse before but it is so fitting to today!)

The Question mark and Me

Where do I begin tonight?

How about we start with an update. Since the last time I blogged several things have changed. First,I have changed my prayer to God slightly. Instead of acting similar to a five year old and demanding a job "NOW!" I've decided to invite God back to the conversation. I asked him to show me where to work, what to do next, how to be a better wife, woman, daughter, friend and christian all together. Since this is a public blog, (I believe God intends me to leave it as such) I will say this, my life has NEVER been  totally easy. I simply mean I've had to fight from day one to succeed and I mean fight. I was born with a brain tumor that caused me to suffer epileptic seizures. They were embarrassing, public, and in many ways earth shattering for me in a way that cannot be adequately explained in one sentence or even an entire blog. Anyway,  I also had problems with the bones in my legs being improperly placed and therefore causing me to walk incorrectly. I even tripped over my own feet. So, when coupled together I would sometimes have a seizure and then trip over my own feet and fall to the floor. Many years later, after both problems were corrected through surgery, God did something amazing. When I was in elementary school I had to take resource classes because my epilepsy caused short term memory loss and hence a learning disorder. After, my full recovery and literally doubling in size I enrolled in AP Classes in highschool, and graduated WHS with a 4.1 GPA. He literally transformed me from a girl who has seizures trips over her own feet into a intelligent young lady with a purpose for his kingdom. (I am still clumsy but that's just me not my crazy feet) Although there are tons more lets for the sake of tonight call this Miracle #1.


For those of you who know me well, you also know that since March of 2010 until now has been one of the most ,if not the most difficult time in my adult life. My husband and I fell into a dark time together. Some days both of us weren't sure what would happen between us or if we would survive it. For privacy sake I will merely say God drastically changed our lives and brought us through it with the support of our family and friends.  Aden also was discharged from the Marines for an injury in his hip, and shoulder that leave him unable to stand for more than a few hours at a time. After leaving the military he was unable to find a job and eventually we ran out of money. I REMAINED in school, worked part time, and GOD provided. I graduated with a bachelors in Social work after trusting God when he told me to change my major and made it back to SC. Throughout the entire process our family was there to support us in many ways, and God used them to keep us going when things seemed hopeless. Miracle #2 for the blog tonight!

Through all of this I am honestly grateful to God for all he has done but I am oh SO exhausted. For the last 23 years I've climbed, gnawed, gritted, and dragged myself through the mud, dirt, and muck. GOD has been there with me giving me the strength and pointing the way the whole time! However, I know it may sound horrible but not to long ago I decided I'd had enough and I want to just rest. Don't make me move lord just drag me. Please work at this lord? Show me that Lord? However, tonight I began reading my new study bible, and reading Eat Pray Love. Both reading selections  tonight were about really reflecting on yourself before moving forward to a new step! What do I want? What does God Want? Where do I fit into this? How can I be a better wife, friend, and christian? Basically a giant ? in big huge print.

Tonight, I know that God is before and After that ? mark. He is in the past, the present and future. He truly is everything. He is really talking to me, teaching me patience, and helping me continue pushing for the blessings he has next. He has a job for me, and will bless me with many of the desires of my heart. I am so thankful for my husband especially. Even though he sometimes drives me crazy I'm glad God brought him into my life and continues to bring us through all of this together. I am very thankful for my entire family. They are always there, no matter what.  More specifically I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and replaced with a sense of understanding. Its ok for it to be difficult to have faith sometimes as long as I take it up each day to do it. Its ok to want to strangle your husband sometimes as long as you love him unconditionally and don't do it. Most of all its ok to just be Melody.

God knew me in the garden, and  before I was born. He knew every inch of my heart, my life, and my soul. He loves me and will take care of me. Maybe this time of uncertainty isn't a punishment but a few weeks to really reflect and look forward to what HE IS doing not what Melody is doing. To sum up, Sunday was our grad  service at church. My mom and dad picked pictures that represented different portions of my life. My birth, holding my brother, after my brain surgery, in a band uniform, at prom with Aden, Marrying Aden, Our family, and college graduation. God really is amazing and I am so glad I finally let him truly back in to the conversation with me. He speaks to ME, crazy zebra printed fingernails, attitude, wild  thoughts and all. He loves me and  today that is what I'm MOST thankful for.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another- 1 John 4:9-11

One room at a time and the Polar Bear

This morning my husband and I started the day with a million things to do. The morning began with a call to the local Veterans affairs office to begin the process of transferring all of his information from our former office in North Carolina to our local office in South Carolina.I had originally planned to just drive to the new VA office but then decided a phone call before hand would save gas if there was additional information needed prior to an available appointment. I was correct! The VA began the 3 day long process of transferring Aden's entire medical history to an office near our house in SC. I was very relieved because he needs help from them with his service related medical problems ASAP. After the initial phone call I called Greenville tech to schedule an appointment with Financial Aid only to discover they close on early on Friday. So, I walked to the mail box to send the additional Veterans information necessary for my husband to get his GI bill off to Georgia. Mimi was nice enough to supply the  legal envelope because all of mine are still packed up in one of the 10 or so boxes I have yet to go through.

Shortly after, Aden and I went for a date lunch at Bronco. I could already tell he was beginning to have a bad day. I was correct and his affect did not improve the rest of the day. I left him to fiddle around on every game system and computer game we own while I began working on the house a little more. About an hour and a half in, I realized with each box I unpack the more the mess increases. I need help! So, I called my mother and she and my grandmother came to the rescue. By 4:00pm the kitchen, and dining area were completely set up and more boxes were unpacked. During the entire unpacking process of the afternoon it was obvious that all three Women in this family were frustrated (some more than others). Its almost like this lack of finances, and continued difficulty is a sickness that has taken over our attitudes sometimes. When things that would normally be aggravating happen, it automatically triggers extreme frustration because of my lack of job and lack of finances. Its ridiculous!

Aden was still not feeling the greatest, so we decided not to attend the Greenville Drive game as we originally intended. This totally shocked  me because baseball is his favorite sport...especially this time of year. Although, I'm very tired of how things are and of the constant dealings with the Polar Bear syndrome as I jokingly call it that my husband deals with only a daily basis. However, I can see progress. God is working. I just feel like each day it gets more difficult to keep my faith. Each day that passes without a call for an interview, or each day where my husband and I have another spat because we're worried again. Each day that Aden has a bad day with his medical problems, and more causes me to have to work harder to trust God. My soul, body, and mind are all totally exhausted. However, I'm very thankful for a loving husband, a great family, and friends who are in this with. Oh and I can't forget my sweet little puppies who are oblivious to all of this and always try to make me smile. I guess I just have to continue to take it one day at time.

The Lord is my strength and my shield: My heart trusted in him.
Psalm 28:7

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

The job search continues and with the job search comes nerves, tears, and frustration. Last night was definitely rough. My husband, dad, mom, uncle and I all sat around discussing rent, bills, and other joyous things that take money.It was evident my mom and I were the most frustrated out of the group and were a little snippy with each other. I honestly feel like I've been applying everywhere under the sun from Social work jobs to Rite Aid. I'm working hard to get a job, even if its a temporary one to hold me until I find the one I really want. Therefore, I absolutely snapped. On our way back to the house I broke down crying while my husband held my hand. He said, "Baby please don't cry things will get better. Everyone is just frustrated". Although, I know this very well it is still very difficult for me to deal with. I worked very hard for many years and I finally have the Social Work degree that I believe God wanted me to achieve. Now, I am in the waiting stage.

My mom says, "God is teaching you something". I'm beginning to think he's teaching me patience. I'm horrible at being patient especially when patience is coupled with uncertainty. My faith in the fact that I will get a job in a social work job soon has been wavering but today I choose to believe it. Last night I applied for 5 jobs. I truly want a job working for SAFY. I called this morning and the manager is reviewing my resume. Now time to wait and pray. I really feel drawn to the position. So, we shall see. Although I feel like my degree is two huge steps forward. I feel like I'm taking one step back because I don't have a job yet and sometimes I doubt God regarding the subject.

Today the tears have cleared, and I awoke renewed.My daddy sent me an e-mail to remind me he is praying for us. It definitely made my day. Aden starts Greenville Tech tomorrow and I'm so happy for him. He is studying Culinary arts and is so excited. I am so happy for him. We are truly blessed and just have to keep the faith.

He will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth.The LORD has spoken.
Isaiah 25:8

ECU Graduation and The Great Move

On Friday at 9 am I attended the ECU commencement. The first ceremony was for the entire university and it was extremely long but fun. My mom, dad, brother, husband and I all attended.We had a great speaker, the secretary of the navy. The speaker focused on how after graduation we each should do something that leaves a legacy. It was a very moving speech and really reminded me of why I went into Social Work in the first place.

By 4:30 pm most of the family had arrived for the graduation festivities. Mimi, grandaddy, Uncle Ed, Mom, Dad, Aden, and my brother were all there as I received my Social Work beads. They were purple and gold and sparkly which are all things that I really like. After the awards, the family went to Logans together to celebrate. It was wonderful having everyone together.

The next morning I woke up at 9 am to pack the final items, and prepare for our College of Human Ecology graduation When I arrived at the colliseum, I realized that this would  be the last time we were together as a class before life scattered us to different places around the United States. Several people including myself were moving out of state, or to another city to start a new life. We all congratulated each other and prepared to walk across the stage. During graduation it really hit me, God brought me through my entire college career, and so much more. He allowed me to overcome epilepsy, and bow legs. My epilepsy  caused a learning disorder that placed me in resource classes in elementary school. However, God healed me through surgery and I placed in Advanced classes in highschool and now have a college degree! What an amazing miracle. God is awesome.

After graduation, lunch with the family, and a little last minute packing we were on our way back to SC. On the way home I thanked God for everything. I am so excited to start this new chapter. On Sunday afternoon we unpacked everything out of the u-haul and have slowly started working on putting everything where it goes. As I continue looking for a job, I am so thankful at how far I've come during my lifetime. I'm just so excited, nervous and ready to start whatever God has in store.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Psalm 119:105

Packing day arrives!

Last night Aden and I stayed up late to finish packing everything. My body was so exhausted I was only able to sleep 6 hours. After going to sleep at 2am, I woke bright and early at 7:30 am. I was so exhausted. At 11:30 my family arrived to pack the U-Haul. From 11:30 to 5:30 we packed the U-Haul with almost every possession I have and we did not have room for them all. By the time break time and dinner time arrived the whole family was exhausted and red in the face. We all went back to our respective hotel or apartment, cleaned up and went to Uncle Yammy's for some much needed BBQ. We were so exhausted that my mom, dad, brother, husband and I could barely order. We stared at the waitress like she was speaking a foreign language for several moments after she asked for our drink order. Obviously we were exhausted more than we originally estimated. After dinner, we all hung out in the hotel, watched tv and discussed the festivities for the next two days. At 8:30pm, Aden and I returned to the apartment to vacuum each of the 3 bedrooms, living room, hall way, and breezeway one final time as well as to work further on the kitchen.By the time I finally stepped into the shower to get ready for bed I ached all over and it was 10pm. After throwing a short exhaustion party I realized Its almost over. Tomorrow and Saturday I graduate. Then, we will be moving into our house. God has already blessed again today.The weather was perfect, we all made it safely through the entire day and now we are all resting. God is good.

The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33:14

Scrub a dub dub Batman

Today is the final day before my family will be here and I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been running around the house all day cleaning, and packing everything that's left. After 5 hours and a couple of small arguments with my hubby we are in the home stretch.  One of the highlights of the day was our lupper break of McDonalds and a Batman movie. We decided that since we were both ill and ready for break it was probably time to take one. So, while the dishes finish up thats exactly what we did. Today has definitely tried my patience. I'm exhausted, in pain because my lady visitor is quickly approaching and just plain tired of packing. However, I really started thinking about all I have to be thankful for today. Today, I woke up, had food to eat, my hubby is here with me, and my family will be on there way here in just a little while. Although we will not see them until tomorrow I realize we've come completely full circle since July 28, 2007.

I remember when Aden and I got married we both made a major move to a new place in NC to start a new life together for the first time. Now we are beginning the next chapter by moving to a city I consider home. Its interesting how in four years God can do so much and allow me to accomplish a degree in a field I really love. I'm really rambling today but I am again thankful for another day of blessings God has given me. I can't wait to experience all the things graduation weekend has in store. 

In frenzied excitement it eats up the ground;  it cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.
Job 39:24

$The five loaves and two fish$

Yesterday an amazing thing happened. My mom read my blog. She was actually proud of me for starting a daily journal/ blog that records my journey  to trust God each day. I also accidentally forgot to add a verse to yesterdays post so today I will add two. Today, I logged on  to find that I have two new followers and they are both amazing ladies whose blogs I look forward to reading. I am not writing this post to brag but as a way to share my excitement that the Lord is already using my blog in some small way. It makes my heart sing.

Today is Tuesday and my parents will be here day after tomorrow. Can I just say that excitement does not describe how ECSTATIC I really am that we are moving HOME. Each day that it gets closer, the more trouble I have sleeping at night. However, right now that actually works out to give me more time to pack. Today, God blessed us with a wonderful surprise. My husbands mom announced she is gifting us a little money to help with this rough time. It was quite a sweet surprise and thank yous do not explain how grateful I am that my mother in law cares about us so much that she would find it in her heart to help. Second, my husband and I went to Walmart for what seemed like the 100th time to get bins to finish up packing. They honestly cost about the same amount as those cardboard boxes and last much longer. Therefore, of course bargain finder Melody just had to have them. As I was checking out at the register I realized something. Jesus has been multiplying our finances and has ALWAYS come through.

A few days ago I wrote a post where I revealed we only have 300 dollars in this world. However, in the last few days our family has been a vessel for God's will in mine and my husband's life. It reminded me of how Jesus fed a huge crowd by multiplying only five loaves and two fish. My Lord is so amazing that he can feed all those people with such a little amount of food and now he is using our family to bless us.We are also blessed to be getting back money from our security deposit at the apartment, Aden's Gi-bill for his school, and we even have a house to go to when we get back. He really is working. I can truly see it. I know he has a job for me. Even if for the summer I have to work in retail til the SC budget is complete I no longer have a problem with that. God is taking care of us each day because he's already in all of them. My point is ,I have no reason to worry or doubt but I still struggle with both. Its so hard for me to truly let go. I look forward to seeing what he has in store for tomorrow!

Verses of the day:
Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people.They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basket fulls of broken pieces that were left over. Luke 9:16-17

President Obama, Osama and the Monday of Graduation Week

 Last night at about 11pm I discovered Osama bin Laden has been killed. I feel a sigh of relief but also a sense of sadness that Osama is in hell. Based upon his actions and self proclamations Osama was not a christian. He was a terrorist, and a self proclaimed America hater. I'm sure that the Lord is saddened another soul is lost and that Osama caused heart ache to so many other families as a result of his evil acts.

President Obama's birth certificate release  has also caused quite an uproar in America in recent weeks. Although, I am glad Obama released his birth certificate, his birthplace nor his race have a link  to my opinion of him. Over the years I have normally refrained from discussing my personal beliefs on politics because discussing it changes nothing. Voting or being an advocate for the oppressed is my way of taking action. I recognize that Obama is the president, and therefore needs the prayer of all Christian's in the nation whether we like him or not.

On a lighter note,today went well. I woke up at 10:30 am and came into the living room to watch the Bone Collector. That movie definitely was one of my favs. During the movie I packed up the majority of the living room and continued to tackle the mountain of laundry my husband and I have been working on and packing for days! Now we are down to only three more loads of laundry. I'm so glad because man am I tired of packing. Tomorrow begins the cleaning and final portion of packing week. Mom and dad are starting the drive up here Wednesday night. Bright and early Thursday we will all be awake packing the giant Uhaul. Its another day closer to my graduation, moving, and beginning this new adventure God has planned. I really feel like starting this blog has helped me deal with all the uncertainties ahead and has allowed me to focus on the positive future he has planned.

I said yes to the dresses!

Well, today has been an interesting day. My original plan was church then going to search for graduation dresses. However, I was so exhausted I accidentally set no alarm and overslept so it became just a search for graduation dresses. My parents graciously offered to buy both dresses. I was very happy to hear this since money is so scarce these days.

My adventure began with an hour long marathon of dress attempts at Cato. After trying on 8 dresses, and combing every inch of the store. I found a classy print dress. Then, I headed to the mall where I meticulously combed through Belk and JCPenney, and tried on two dresses. Belk, had absolutely nothing classy in my size. However, JCPenney came through with a classic polka dot dress that is a wonderful take on the Julia Roberts dress in Pretty woman with a modern look. I feel so confident in both of them and it made the trip worth while.

This week, I've decided I will not worry, I will dread. God has allowed me to accomplish so much and this is a celebration of those accomplishments. I'm very happy that I was able to find dresses, undergarments, pantyhose, and earrings all today. Now, I have a coupon to find a pair of shoes later in the week and my excitement for graduation is mounting. I'm so thankful for all the blessings he has given me and thank him for all the blessings he has for the future.


Verse of the day:
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31